In our lives, there are not only good moments. Sometimes we need to create our personal dramas to introduce a little excitement in everything we do, even in our relationships and perhaps in the hope that these moments become a romance that is missing for some time. This feeling is connected to the need that humans have to go back to the starting point where everything was purer and spontaneous, even feelings, perhaps to rival or imitate, even fulfilling the eternal cycle that Creation imposes us all.
Miguel wondered if life is nothing more than the clash between the two extremes, and we would find ourselves in the midst of all this confusion, this constant doubt that stays beyond us, as if our existence could be translated by a trip between two poles and we had to reap the fragments coming from this eternal cosmic collision. It was always said that history repeats itself, and this definition fits perfectly this behaviour of ours, our way of living this life that is no more than a reflection of this cycle - finally, the cycle of life.
Perhaps the attribution of meanings that society has stipulated as a rule is a lie, and the word anarchy is simply the rejection of the symmetry that a minority of people are imposing to our existence. It is this symmetry that creates our limitations. The meaning expressed by a particular attitude or action may be different when framed in a different time sector, i.e. in a different context, which only means that everything is relative. The conclusion from all this is that it does not take an Einstein to achieve some notions about the theory of relativity and that sometimes, complexity allies to the simplicity of the analysis of the elements, contradicting the complicated mind of the human beings.
He believed that existential questions have to do with the infinite, which means that there is no single answer to a single question. At the same time, it is the multiplicity of realities and dimensions that are extensive in this particular context that expresses nothing more than our doubts. Probably these questions are created by the false need to convince ourselves that we need to overcome certainties to be able to survive when in reality we live in an eternal existential doubt.
Yes, he thought that life is no more than a constant uncertainty about everything that surrounds us, especially what our eyes pick up, creating us the need to interpret all these images. These doubts are extended to our very existence. Doubts make us live and not certainties. If we had only certainties, life would lose its grace becoming a total sadness without any goal to achieve. We would miss the challenge, the sense of discovery, the newness that gives new meaning to our actions and thoughts, finally, our behaviour.
This intrinsic need to create questions for answers is linked to the cycle of life, related to our notions about the beginning and the end. We could even say that the questions are a primary part of our evolutionary process.
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All these thoughts and introspections made part of Miguel's "virtual reality" and what most tormented him was the feeling that he depended on them to survive. It could become a similar situation as depending on an artificial machine in a hospital to live, like having a severe condition due to a context of health degradation.
After Emília's death, Miguel found himself in a situation of complete solitude but attenuated by the presence of a person who had accompanied him during this painful path of his life that had almost killed him. Sometimes life brings us compensations and the presence of certain people in our lives are perfect demonstrations of this fact. Rosaria became the flame, the flower in his garden that made him live, the motivation that had made him finish his books, those that expressed his ideas, values, and states of mind. She was the reason why he survived the events that had broken his spirit for the first time in the course of his existence.
After half an hour of introspection and recycling once again these moments of his past and present life, Miguel returned to the living room where he had his computer, the vehicle he used to convey all these thoughts, all these issues posed to himself and the society that surrounded him. For him, it was like an escape, an abstraction while bringing him the feeling that similar spirits would understand his message as their own. This feeling gave him an inner tranquillity that was represented by the fact that he, as simple human being, could leave a message to the world.
And so passed another day in Miguel's life. Already in bed, he thought again of his grandfather, his creativity while imagining himself navigating in those caravels, finding new continents and civilizations. Finally, he felt asleep, wondering if life wouldn't be more than a "dream lost in time".